On the surface, a healthy relationship sounds like something that’s easy to identify. Sure, being with someone who makes you laugh and isn’t a jerk certainly is important (and a great starting point!), but there are many other factors that can help daters define how right a relationship is for them. While each and every relationship is unique to the parties involved (duh!), all successful ones share the same foundational elements: respect, equality, safety, and trust. These components, which comprise the REST Model, can manifest themselves in healthy or unhealthy ways (if a relationship is unhealthy, it’s most likely because one of these components has been compromised) and are demonstrated through both parties’ actions and words.
In the context of dating, it’s important for singles to know what a healthy relationship looks like so they can assess prospects by understanding - and expecting - what they should be getting out of that relationship. So what exactly is the REST Model? Let’s take a look.
RESPECT |
Respect is about appreciating your partner(s) viewpoints, opinions, beliefs, and decisions — both in general, and regarding your relationship. It’s about setting and observing boundaries, hearing your partner when they say “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe,” and making sure you ask for their input to begin with. |
EQUALITY |
Equality is about making decisions together, or at least creating agreements for how decisions will be made. It’s about your partner(s) having the same amount of voice and power, and knowing that the partners in a relationship have an open seat at the decision-making table (even if they don’t choose to sit in it). |
SAFETY |
Safety is about knowing that your partner(s) won’t intentionally hurt you — physically, emotionally, psychologically, or otherwise. It’s knowing that they are looking out for you, for your interests, and for your general well-being. |
TRUST |
Trust is about knowing that you can believe your partner(s), that they are saying what they mean, and that when they act you can reasonably assume they’re acting in ways that are good. It’s knowing that you aren’t being manipulated, mislead, or taken advantage of. |
Equating Healthy Versions of REST to Columns
Think of what a column looks like: solid, sturdy, and something upon which other things can be placed. Healthy versions of respect, equality, safety, and trust show up in our relationships like columns.
These columns might be created with behaviors or attitudes, with actions, or with kept promises. Showing genuine interest in a partner’s job or interests can build respect. Allowing everyone to get as much say as they want in what movies you watch or meals you eat can build equality. Safety can be created by looking out for a partner when they’re vulnerable. And trust is built when your words align with your actions.
Every interaction (every action and every promise) in an established or budding relationship can be thought of as a brick that either adds to or detracts from that column. Recognizing how a behavior, action, or statement appears in that relationship - whether it falls into the categories of REST or not - and not just taking it at face value, is important for identifying if it truly is healthy or not, and for singles, knowing if it is one worth pursuing.
Summer is here which, in our opinion, is the perfect opportunity for daters to try to meet their match. Between the warm weather and longer days, summer creates the perfect environment for daters to put themselves out there and plan exciting and memorable dates. With that in mind, here are helpful dating tips for the upcoming months to capitalize on The Summer Of Love.
Explore Locally - Summer is a great opportunity to get out of your usual routine and to check out festivals, events, and parks!
Be Clear - No one likes to be put in an avoidable situation, so make sure to be clear with others and make sure your intentions are known.
Set a Budget - Whether traveling, shopping, going out to eat, attending concerts, or other live events, spending money on socializing and dating during the summer is almost too easy. Make sure to set a budget so you’re financially prepared and know what to expect.
Plan Ahead - Between festivals, baseball games, and concerts, there are plenty of summer events vying for your presence. Be sure to check out a local calendar to identify and book any events that interest you. Also, avoid making any last-minute changes by confirming your summer schedule before planning a date.
Outdoor Activities - Take advantage of the sunshine by going hiking, biking, putt-putting or having a picnic in a park. You can explore nature together and enjoy each other's company in a beautiful setting.
Lake or Pool Dates - Cooling off in the water can be a fantastic way to beat the heat. Spend a day at the lake, go for a swim, or simply relax by the pool. If you don't have access to a lake, you can visit a local pool or water park instead.
Festivals and Fairs - Summer is the season for festivals, fairs, and outdoor concerts. Check out local events in your area and attend them together. Enjoy live music, try different foods, participate in fun activities, and create lasting memories.
Outdoor Dining - Take advantage of the pleasant weather by enjoying a meal together on a patio or rooftop restaurant. The ambiance and fresh air can make the dining experience even more enjoyable.
Road Trips - Plan a day trip or a weekend getaway to explore new places. You can visit nearby towns, go on a scenic drive, or even go camping together. Road trips provide a great opportunity for bonding and creating shared experiences.
Sporting Events - Attend a baseball game, soccer match, or any other sporting event happening during the summer. Cheer for your favorite team and enjoy the energetic atmosphere.
Stargazing - On clear summer nights, stargazing can be a romantic and relaxing activity. Find a quiet spot away from city lights, spread out a blanket, and enjoy the beauty of the night sky together.
Remember to consider your partner's interests and preferences when planning a date. The key is to have fun and make the most of the season by enjoying the outdoors and each other's company.
On the surface, identifying what a healthy relationship sounds like an easy task. Sure, being with someone who makes you laugh and isn’t a jerk certainly is important (and a great starting point!), but there are many other complexities beyond “someone not being a jerk” that can help daters define how right a relationship is for them.
While each and every relationship is unique to the parties involved (duh!), all successful ones share the same foundational elements: respect, equality, safety, and trust. These components, which make up the REST Model, can manifest themselves in healthy or unhealthy ways (if a relationship is unhealthy, it’s most likely because one of these components has been compromised) and are demonstrated through both parties’ actions and through their words.
In the context of dating, it’s important for singles to know what a healthy relationship looks like so they can assess prospects by understanding - and expecting - what they should be getting out of that relationship. So what exactly is the REST Model? Let’s take a look.
1. Respect: Respect is about appreciating your partner(s) viewpoints, opinions, beliefs, and decisions — both in general, and regarding your relationship. It’s about setting and observing boundaries, hearing your partner when they say “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe,” and making sure you ask for their input to begin with. 2. Equality: Equality is about making decisions together, or at least creating agreements for how decisions will be made. It’s about your partner(s) having the same amount of voice and power, and knowing that the partners in a relationship have an open seat at the decision-making table (even if they don’t choose to sit in it). 3. Safety: Safety is about knowing that your partner(s) won’t intentionally hurt you — physically, emotionally, psychologically, or otherwise. It’s knowing that they are looking out for you, for your interests, and for your general well-being. 4. Trust is about knowing that you can believe your partner(s), that they are saying what they mean, and that when they act you can reasonably assume they’re acting in ways that are good. It’s knowing that you aren’t being manipulated, mislead, or taken advantage of. Healthy Versions of REST are Columns Think of what a column looks like: solid, sturdy, physical, and something upon which other things can be placed. Healthy versions of respect, equality, safety, and trust show up in our relationships like columns.
These columns might be created with behaviors or attitudes, with actions, or with kept promises. Showing genuine interest in a partner’s job or interests can build respect. Allowing everyone to get as much say as they want in what movies you watch or meals you eat can build equality. Safety can be created by looking out for a partner when they’re vulnerable. And trust is built when your words align with your actions.
Every interaction in a relationship or a budding relationship can be thought of as a brick that either adds to or detracts from the column (every action and every promise). Recognizing how a behavior, action, or statement appears in that relationship - whether it falls into the categories of REST or not - and not just taking it at face value, is important for identifying if it truly is healthy or not, and for singles, knowing if it is worth pursuing.
The concept of love languages was popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "The Five Love Languages." According to Dr. Chapman, people express and receive love in different ways, which he ultimately referred to and coined as "love languages." Dr. Chapman contends that understanding both your own and your partner’s love language can not only enhance communication but also strengthen bonds.
In spite of these benefits, only 30% of US adults claim to have even heard of love language - let alone know what theirs is - according to a survey by yougov.com. While being familiar with love languages can undoubtedly strengthen established relationships, it can also help singles within their own dating journeys.
Words of Affirmation: This love language involves using words to express affection, appreciation, and encouragement. People who have this love language value verbal compliments, kind and encouraging words.
Acts of Service: For individuals with this love language, actions speak louder than words. They appreciate it when their partner helps with tasks, takes care of responsibilities, or offers assistance. Acts of service demonstrate love and support in practical ways.
Receiving Gifts: Some people feel loved when they receive tangible symbols of affection, such as thoughtful gifts. It's not about the monetary value but the thoughtfulness and effort put into choosing the gift.
Quality Time: This love language focuses on spending undivided and uninterrupted time together. It's about giving someone your undivided attention, engaging in meaningful conversations, and participating in activities together.
Physical Touch: Physical touch is an important love language for individuals who feel loved through physical contact, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, or other forms of affectionate touch. Physical presence and touch are powerful ways to express love for them.
It's important to note that everyone has their own unique combination of love languages, and it's not limited to just one. Some individuals may have one primary love language, while others may have multiple. Understanding your own love language and that of a potential partner can help you communicate love more effectively and meet each other's emotional needs. Additionally, having a familiarity with your and your potential partner’s love language can help:
Effective Communication: Understanding your love language helps you communicate your needs and desires to your potential partner more effectively. It allows you to express what makes you feel loved and appreciated, which can enhance the emotional connection and reduce misunderstandings.
Meeting Emotional Needs: Each person has unique emotional needs. Knowing your love language and your potential partner's love language enables you to meet those needs more accurately. It helps you provide the type of love and support that resonates with your partner, fostering a deeper emotional connection and satisfaction in the relationship.
Avoiding Misinterpretations: People often express love in the way they prefer to receive it. If you have different love languages than your partner, you may unintentionally miss each other's expressions of love. Recognizing this difference helps you interpret and appreciate the love your partner is showing you, even if it's not in your primary love language.
Resolving Conflicts: Understanding your love language can also help in resolving conflicts. When conflicts arise, you can communicate your feelings and needs more clearly by expressing them in your preferred love language. It allows your prospective partner to understand the impact of the conflict on your emotional well-being and find ways to address it.
Strengthening Intimacy: When you and your potential partner know each other's love languages, you can create a stronger bond by intentionally expressing love in ways that resonate with the other person. By speaking their love language, you demonstrate care, thoughtfulness, and appreciation, which can lead to a deeper emotional and physical connection.
Remember that love languages are not fixed and can evolve over time. It's essential to have open and ongoing conversations with your partner (and potential partners) about your love languages to ensure that you both feel loved, valued, and understood.
Whether it’s your Aunt Susan begging you to go out with her friend’s son telling you how much “y’all will hit it off” or your BFF trying to get you to go out with her husband’s law school classmate, the blind date is as normalized in today’s society as a $5 cup of coffee. Shockingly, however, this hasn’t always been the case (okay…maybe that’s not so shocking).
While it's difficult to pinpoint an exact origin, blind dates have existed in various forms throughout history long before your matches’ photos were covered by an egg avatar on a dating app. Let's explore the history of blind dates as best we can:
Ancient Times: Arranged marriages were prevalent in many ancient cultures, where individuals were often married off based on their social status, family alliances, or economic considerations. In some cases, potential partners would meet for the first time on their wedding day, essentially making it a blind date (could you imagine having to marry Aunt Susan’s friend’s son the first time y’all go out?).
The Middle Ages: During this period, courtly love became popular in European societies. Noble families would sometimes arrange meetings between young men and women from different households, aiming to foster romantic connections and alliances (think Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates setting their kids up). These meetings could be considered precursors to modern blind dates.
17th and 18th Centuries: Personal advertisements in newspapers emerged during this time, allowing individuals to seek potential romantic partners. Similar to a dating app profile, these ads typically included brief descriptions of the person and their preferences, allowing for potential matches to be arranged without the individuals having met each other beforehand (and you thought dating apps were bad!).
20th Century: The concept of the blind date as we know it today gained popularity in the early 20th century. With the rise of urbanization, more people moved to cities, leading to a larger pool of potential partners. Friends and acquaintances would often set up blind dates, introducing two individuals who had never met before. Basically, you can thank this era for Aunt Susan’s insatiable need to set you up with her friend’s kids.
Post-World War II: The post-war era brought significant societal changes, including shifts in dating practices. Blind dates became more common as a way for singles to meet potential partners. The idea of going on a blind date gained further traction through popular culture, with references appearing in movies, literature, and even television shows (we were just as shocked as you are to find out that ‘Love is Blind’ wasn’t the first blind dating show).
Modern Era: The rise of the internet and online dating platforms revolutionized the dating scene, including blind dates. Online platforms allow people to connect with strangers and arrange blind dates more easily. Additionally, dating apps, like Hatched, often use algorithms and user preferences to match individuals, providing a modern, technology-driven twist to the traditional blind date setup.
While the practice of blind dating has evolved over time, the underlying concept of two individuals meeting without any prior knowledge or familiarity remains at its core. Today, blind dates continue to be a popular way for people to explore potential romantic connections, expand their social circles, and are the main user experiences for dating apps like Hatched.